Saving Grace

This weekend has been long.  Saturday was spent decorating the house, wrapping presents and buying baking supplies.  Today, my best friend came up and we baked.  It was a good time, but I’m tired.
I’ve realized that decorating for Christmas is the hardest part of the Holiday for me.  We put on Christmas Music and I do the tree while Hubby helps with everything else, but it never fails that every year between the music and the traditions, I’m transported back to being 9 years old in my old house with my parents so excited to do all of it, and every year I get so homesick for that place that doesn’t exist anymore that my stomach hurts.  This year, I finally got help.  Saturday was spent much of the same way as the music took me back to riding the truck with my dad through the streets of my hometown Christmas Eve, and of decorating the Christmas tree as a kid so eager to see my ornaments that faded in my memory over that past year.   And it was while unpacking some things left by my mother that I looked at kidlet and realized that those same years of my childhood that I miss every year so badly, my parents were present at the time for.  I need to the same for her.  So, it was this realization that I’ve done my best to say “goodbye” to those days, and try to swallow the notion that no matter how badly I miss them, they’re not coming back. 
In the meantime, I’m creating these same memories for kidlet.  That’s my job now.  I need to be here for her, just like my parents were for me. 
I guess you can say that kidlet is my “Saving Grace.”

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