Smooth Away…Far, Far Away

Okay, I’ve never been big on infomercials.  Call me a skeptic.  So, when I saw a commerical for something called “Smooth Away”–where you buff away your hair, I dismissed it and mentally made fun of the suckers who would order.  It wasn’t until my sister-in-law actually got and said it worked that I got thinking.  Now that I’m at the gym 5 days a week, I do the majority of my bathing there and as anyone (okay-girl) knows, shaving in a locker room bathroom isn’t exactly comfortable.  So, I bit–Thinking that this would be a great way to maintain my girly-ness during the week.  
The package arrived here Weds. night.  In a lull between kidlet being happy and supper getting underway, I took it into the bathroom to give it a test run.  Having recently shaved, I didn’t really have much to work with so I thought I would do my upper lip. 
*Rub, rub, rub* “Hmmm..seems to be working a little, but I should press harder. ”
*Rub, rub, rub* “That’s the ticket.  Feels okay so far…..lemme finish up here….and done.  Oh wait, missed a spot….” *Rubbing harder* “Okay, really done.  I should lotion.” 
*Applying cream…pausing…starting to feel pain as a pink mark spreads across my lip…pain turning to burning….pink getting red.  Wanting to scream but kidlet is just down the hall.  More lotion should help–another wave of pain and burning.  More lotion still.  More pain and burning still. 
“Well, I guess I just figured out what it’s like to take a power sander to my face.”   With nothing left to do, I went out to see my husband with a tell tale red mustache of doom.  The look on my face told him not to mess to me, and my mark told him I had been through enough, so he was kind–not even laughing in front of me. 
I applied 5 more coats of lotion that night, praying for the best the next day.  
The best didn’t exactly come.  As I wandered into the gym, my “red mustache of doom” had tamed to pink, but all in all, I still looked like I just blew the Koolaid Guy.  “Ohhhhh, yeah.” 
LUCKILY, by Friday (and work) it was tame enough to cover with make-up.  Praise the Lord.
In the meantime, you’d think that all of this would be enough for me to pitch them.  Maybe it’s because of the recession or more realistically, because I’m slow, I’m gave them another whirl last night.  This time on my legs.  Surprisingly, it was this time that they actually worked like a charm, so I guess it’s not a complete waste. 
Life Lesson #156 Taking ANY kind of sand paper to your face is a BAD IDEA.  Hope this helps someone.

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3 Comments

  1. Leslie said,

    March 21, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    I feel your pain, have suffered the red lip thing also….this is not a new product, it came out under another name years ago….never use sandpaper on your skin.

  2. Teressa Flye said,

    March 21, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    I’d been seriously considering getting that, and probably still will, but *only* on da LEGS! I’m not quite ready for the face-sanding yet anyway, thank God.

  3. May 13, 2009 at 10:42 am

    That’s hysterical! Thanks for the humor


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