With Age Comes Wisdom?

It’s been a good year.  I accomplished everything I set out to and then some.  I’ve gotten back into doing my art and have discovered another avenue for that by starting to make jewelry.  I’ve gone back to school to get my Diploma in Floral Design, I went on a Hot Air Balloon Ride, I jumped off a 6 story tower, we got a new car.  Yeah, I would say it’s been a great year!
My goals for 28?  Finally write a Children’s Book.  Finally learn about publishers and that business.  Maybe sky-diving this summer?–We’ll see.  Get my Diploma in Business Management.  Record lessons learned.  Say Yes more.  Seal old bonds and make new ones, and integrate the wisdom of “This, Too, Shall Pass” into my daily life.
It’s been an outstanding weekend of which I’ll write more later.  In the meantime, it’s been this eventful weekend that has worn me out.  I need to rest.

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Say What Now?

What a good day.  Granted it started a bit rocky with a conversation with my co-worker/friend about how defeated I felt yesterday, feeling that I lost on both the kidlet and housekeeping fronts.  She chimed in with “Welcome to Motherhood.  There are A LOT of days like that.” 
I replied, “I was kinda hoping for a comment that might make me consider taking the Suicide Hotline off my Speed Dial.” 
“I don’t have time to sugar coat things, Hunny.”  –Gee, Thanks!
My day got better despite decorating fresh evergreen wreaths all day for the cemetery.  I like to think that my making of wreaths for the dead, adds to my karma points.  A girl can hope….
The nearly impossible happened today.  Working in the floral shop for 6 years now I’ve seen almost everything.  But today was a whole new ball of wax.–First, we got a call from a family member of a deceased person telling us that they only wanted 5 flowers at the funeral and that if anyone else called wanting to send flowers, we were to tell them the family prefers money.  Ummmm…no.  I don’t really think that’s in our job description as a floral shop, so that’s not gonna happen. 
Second, a 17 yr old guy came in with his mom this afternoon, wanting to get flowers for his girlfriend.  It wasn’t anything new until they asked if we had artificial roses.  I showed them what we had and he chose one artificial red rose and ordered 11 fresh red roses all to vased together (equaling a dozen.)  The kicker?  The card (which he came up with on his own) read, “I’ll love you until the last rose dies.”  Wow.  Even after all I’ve seen, I still remain hugely impressed.  I told him that at least he can write for Hallmark if everything else falls through for him. 
Finally, a writer came in the shop today, and while wrapping her purchases I told her that I’ve always wanted to write a Children’s Book, but have no idea how to go about publishers and all that stuff.  She was kind enough to give me a name of a book that should have all the info I need, which saved me about a week of research.  I’m so happy answers pop up when you need them. 
Who was the writer by the way?  Victoria Huston.  She’s written a host of mysteries using the Northwoods of WI as her backdrop and people in small towns as her characters–indirectly of course.   A list of the books she’s written is here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Victoria+Houston
Oh!  And I almost forgot!  I have a new member of my Cattleya family:

The Newest 'Chid

The Newest 'Chid

 

7 buds!!

7 buds!!

 

What can I say?  I saw it at work, it has 7 fricken buds and the price was right. –Stop looking at me like that…..
Well, I’m off to continue watching the Packer Game and update my Amazon Wish List before Hubby gets me anything for Christmas. 🙂

And the Loser Is……..

Friday was good.  I was greeted in the morning by one of my co-workers saying “Ho, Ho, Ho!”  “Already calling me names this morning?,” I asked.  That was good for a laugh.  My morning was consumed by decorating fresh wreaths and swags resulting in being up to my wrists in pine pitch.  All in a days work, I guess.  I forget how sticky that stuff is….
It was later in the afternoon when I had a quick comeback for my co-worker, that her and another said I should have my own talk show.  I laughed, saying I could only be on cable, and even then probably only on HBO and after 10:00p.m.  FCC??  What’s that?  Cause sometimes “Gosh Dang It!” just does not adequately express how I’m feeling.  LOL
I also discovered that Guns N Roses is dropping a new album Nov. 23rd.  There are no words for how happy this makes me. –Sad, I know. 
This weekend I’m a hunting widow, admittedly only during the days.  It will remain the same this week until Hubby gets his deer.  Oh well, I don’t mind.  No different than a working day.  Plus, it will hopefully mean more meat in our freezer.
On a different note, I feel like I’m losing on the home front at the moment.  Everyday is filled with the same chores, only to have the house still look like a tornado went through it by the end of the day.  That mixed with kidlet wanting my time, and needing to divide it between her and the to-do list, while somehow feel like I’m not neglecting her.  I don’t feel I’m excelling anywhere right now.   I hope that changes soon. 
I am half-way through my Floral Design Course at the moment, which does give a taste of accomplishment seeing the course is supposed to be completed in 6-9 months, and it’s only been 2 mos so I’m ahead of schedule.  I’m crossing my fingers to finish by January, but we’ll see.   There’s whispers of another adventure awaiting me in Jan., so I’d like to finish this one first.
I guess that’s all for the moment.  Just can’t seem to shake this “drowning” feeling today.  Thank God for work tomorrow…..I wonder how many times that’s been said…… 

It’s Like Christmas Just Puked All Over Me!

Wow!  What a great day!  I dreaded work yesterday, but it turned out great.  We got things done, but also got a chance to blow off some steam as we picked apart some materials used for Christmas centerpieces last year, and found some picks with huge “Diamonds” on them.  I tore one apart, made it into a ring and went around to my-coworkers with this ridiculously huge “diamond” on my hand saying, “He went to Jared!”  (Like the commercials.)  At least we all got a good laugh. 
Today has been nothing but good news.  I was worried about the weekend after Thanksgiving as my friend is having party, but I didn’t know what my family’s Thanksgiving plans were, plus Hubby and I wanted to get away for my Birthday which is that same weekend.  It turns out that my family’s Thanksgiving is cancelled this year due to my step-mom’s leg and ankle injuries.  So it looks like we can find a sitter for kidlet that Sat. head to my friend’s party and Hubby and I can go out after for the night and pick kidlet up Sunday.  So, it all works out in the end.  🙂
Also, it’s just been worked out that my friend from college and I are taking a Girls’ Weekend Jan 23rd & 24th.  We’re meeting halfway and taking 2 nights to ourselves!!  I’m so stinking excited!
AND, I found out at work yesterday that my co-worker and I are switching days Thanksgiving Week which means I work the day before Thanksgiving, but have the day after off.  What makes this better?  Kidlet is at Day Care and Hubby is Hunting.  Can I get a “W00t, W00t!?!?”  LOL 
I don’t know what I did to have Karma smile on me so, but I’ll take it.  🙂

Late Night Ramblings

It’s 9:30p.m. we just finished a movie and with the way I’ve been feeling, I should at least be tired; obviously, that’s not the case.  We watched “Dan in Real Life” tonight and although admittedly slow-moving, I thought it was okay.  Hubby didn’t agree, so I suppose I’ll let him take a crack at the Netflix list.  *Mentally preparing myself for consecutive weeks of “shoot ’em up, blow ’em up, boobie” flicks.*  –Sigh. 
Sitting at the table tonight with kidlet, both of us coloring (what…?) while Hubby made dinner, I remembered my childhood where I treated coloring books as practically sacred.  I had so many rules.  I HAD to color the pages in order.  I HAD to color the characters/images the CORRECT colors, and if I wasn’t sure on the colors, I had to look until I found a picture of them to compare.  Furthermore, I got mad at other kids for making marks on pages that weren’t next to be colored and I got equally as mad when they didn’t color the characters/images the RIGHT (as in true to life) colors.  Wow, even then I had issues….  I guess the silver-lining to this disturbing tale is that I’m weeks shy of 28 and I can FINALLY color an Octopus purple, or give Minnie a red dress instead of her pink one.  However, I still might need to attend a meeting here or there to keep up with my progress. 
I’m also happy to report that my eye has improved, is less swollen and I may ACTUALLY have a shot of resuming eye make-up for work come Monday.  Miracles come in all forms.  I guess this also means I can resume walking in an upright position as opposed to the hunched-over Igor impression my co-workers found humorous.  *shrug*
Tomorrow is Sunday which brings Football and Nascar.  I tried to squeeze in some college football today, and although Hubby wasn’t happy I only had to argue that it was on right before the news and that I was waiting for news to come on.  That won me 3rd and 4th quarter of the WI vs MN game. -SWEET. 
So, although this week has been rough, it was full of a lot of lessons and reminders, and who couldn’t use those?  Afterall, it’s why we’re here.  Oh!  And I got a clean house out of it, so I really did win all the way around.

Who Needs a Couch When There’s a House to Clean?

What a difference a day makes.  I had some inner demons that I had to conquer, and I successfully did that today, surprisingly with housework.  WOW!  Someone should have told me years ago what good therapy housecleaning is.  It would have saved me a lot of money. 😉 LOL.
This all sort of freaked out my Hubby as I’m not usually the one to initiate a good deep-clean, so he was kind of confused, but it didn’t matter to me.  It was through a great “Pitch and Purge” session that filled 4 garbage bags, that left me once again feeling like me, and that I can do anything.  I missed this feeling!   Who knew?! 
I’m also feeling physically better and think I’m beating whatever is trying to keep me down.  I still feel the worst in the mornings until the drugs kick-in, but once that happens I’m almost back to 100%.  
It’s a good day afterall.  We need the bad days to appreciate the good ones. 🙂

Bah-HumBug

Today was well…..CRAPPY.  I got into work today, feeling solemn–emotionally, mentally and physically drained.  The vibe from my co-workers didn’t help.  It’s the time of year where 12 women try to decorate one store  for Christmas and there gets to be too many cooks in the kitchen and too much estrogen…need I say more?  Bah.
I did my best to pull myself out of it, but i never really succeeded.  Even being in the back and up to my elbows in soil as I planted a Lady Palm, didn’t raise my spirits…that’s almost unheard of.
So, I’m glad today is done.  It was spent filling funeral orders and hanging Christmas ornaments while being trapped in my own head.  YIKES.  I’m physically still feeling like hell, as I’m still dealing with an eye infection, and now a cold or sinus thing on top of it.  The upside to all of this, is that I now have enough meds to run a small nursing home.   
So, I think I’m going to try and take this weekend for me.  To rest, to sort things out, to get my head back in the game, in part to get my head pulled out of my butt and my body back to normal.  We’ll see how it goes.

Oops

I got a good dose of reality today, which is always welcomed and rewarding.  I have the eternal flaw of having a short attention span, and I really do hate it.  Furthermore, I’m a micro-manager…which I think is a nice term for “controlling.”  And it’s funny because as much faith as I have and as much as that faith has been tested and has always prevailed, it’s the first thing I forget when it comes to me.  I’m so busy trying to stay in control that I forget the very lesson that I’m NOT in control, that I DON’T know what’s best for me and that only God does.  *looking up* Sorry about that….my bad. 
So, I’ve once again been reminded by something that remains a bit less hurtful than a lightning bolt, that if it hasn’t happened in my life, it wasn’t supposed to and I can try and plan my future out the minute, but it won’t mean anything, because God will still over-ride it if need be.  For a long time, I’ve been okay with this, have embraced it and have even looked forward to it.  It’s just when my selfish ego takes over, wants something it hasn’t gotten and thinks it deserves that I forget all that I already have.  A stern private conference with myself in the car ride home today (be grateful you weren’t there) slapped me in the face and I reminded myself that’s I’m very well living the reward right now for surviving the tumultuous years of my childhood.  God knows best.  He always has.  He always will.  I’m sorry for forgetting that.

If I Were Just Me II

Let me say right off the bat, that I’m not unhappy with my life.  But, what I can say is that naturally, I get so wrapped up in taking care of kidlet, working at the Floral Shop, house-keeping, school, and making time for family, that I’ve realized I started to kind of forget who I am….as an individual.   I promised myself I would never let that happen.  So, I’m so happy this question of “What would I do if I were just me?” came to me, because I can use it now, still dream big and make them goals for a little later in my life.
I’ve already established that I would at the very least like to look into moving to Hawaii.  With that, (or even if that changes or doesn’t work) I want to write, paint and do anything I can creatively.  I would love my work shown in gallery, and I would love days spent in a sun room lost in music as I do nothing but paint and/or create. 
I want to travel too.  To see places I haven’t but desire to.  That list includes, New York, Las Vegas, Alaska, Australia, Africa and I’m newly leaning towards poking my nose into Paris.  I want to ge able to travel on a whim and get that “Backpacking through Europe” feeling that I missed during my college years.  I also want to be able to pick-up and visit my friends around the country on a dime.  No matter how much I travel, I always want a place to call home.  It doesn’t have to be much, but a corner of the world that lets me be me.  –and that comes with a maid and a cabana boy.  My goals here–nothing is off limits.
I also want a close group of friends to have dinner parties with, afternoons of football tailgating and bookclubs with.  And I want to be cultured in wine…enough to at least feel comfortable. 
I want impromptu nights of rock concerts, movies, going out or staying in with friends or alone. 
To sum it up, I want a time in my life when I can wake up and decide what I want to do with that day.  I am careful to approach this not with a sense of “That’s all nice, BUT…..” but rather “That’s all nice, AND…(this is what I need to get there)”
Forgive me, I’ve just been immersed in everything else lately that I just needed this 1/2 hour to get back to me and remind myself what goals lie within me, separate from anyone else.  I needed this post to ground me again and shed any number of the roles I carry during the coarse of a day (like we all do.)  I hope you don’t mind.

Revisions, Deletions and Completions

I thought I would pull up this list to check some things off, delete somethings and add others.  This list isn’t challenging unless it changes with me. 🙂

So, here is my “Master List” as this is my list to conquer and live by: 

An “X” = accomplished
 
1.) Find out if Pudding is a Viscous Liquid or an Amorphous Solid.  **Those who know me aren’t surprised by this…
2.) Go Sky-Diving or Bungee Jumping **Also very Cliche, but Heights is a #1 fear of mine, and someday I’d like to be able to climb a ladder w/o wetting myself and forgetting who I am for an hour.-So I might as well go big.
3.) Take a Safari in Africa
4.) Visit Australia
5.) Tour NYC like a complete Tourist
6.) Have a Unforgettable (or an unable-to-be-remembered) trip to LasVegas*To go with 23*
7.) Write a Book
8.) Have it Published
9.) Own my own Business/Company
10.) Be a Motivational Speaker (once)
11.) Visit every State in the USA (and admit that airports don’t count)
12.) Do stand-up comedy (at least once)
X 13.) Learn to Live in the Moment
X 14.) Have kids (If God will let me)
15.) Start a non-profit
16.) Make Headlines *Hopefully for something that doesn’t involve me getting arrested.
X 17.) Take a Hot Air Balloon Ride
18.) Own a small home in Key West, Fl.
19.) Swim with Dolphins
20.) Have the Biggest Bash ever for my 30th Birthday (So I mourn it less.)
21.) Visit Alaska
22.) Retire in Hawaii
23.) renew my Wedding Vows in a Cheesy Vegas Wedding Chapel w/an Elvis Impersonator…*only appropriate seeing my husband’s name is Elvis…Yeah, he’s gonna hate that.
X 24.) Learn to Worry Less
X 25.) Learn that a Job is only a Job
X 26.) Care Less about what people think of me
27.) Have Unlimited Income
28.) Own a Home
29.) Buy Another Car
X 30.) Get More Friends in our Town to go out with
31.) Take Another Cruise
32.) Own a St. Bernard
33.) Be able to spend entire days painting
34.) Learn to be myself without apologizes
35.) Have a time in my life where I can wake up each morning and decide what I want to do with each day
36.) Realize how strong I am
37.) Know that there is NOTHING that I cannot do
38.) Remember that every happiness I could ever want is within me already
39.) Be able to completely let go of my past without feeling guilt or blame
X 40.) Spit off a Hot Air Balloon
X 41.) Go back to school
42.) Own a Basset Hound
43.) Own a Wiener Dog named Dick
44.) Have my art shown in a gallery
45.) Get my Diploma in the Course I’m taking

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